I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
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just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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