Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
