My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
