i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
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No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
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I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying