Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
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then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
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What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"