True but thats because hes a fetus.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.