I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her