she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
