if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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