Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
