I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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