i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
