I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Im part way to drunk.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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