make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
