Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
