Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Randomize
