I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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