You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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