so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize