Me. At least after what I've been through.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
