i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
