dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
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i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
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If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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