she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
