Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
