Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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