Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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