He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
