i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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