I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
