please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
