Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
