i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
