just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
