And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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