well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
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People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
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