My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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