he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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