How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
