So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
