the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
