you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
So much Jack, so little girl.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
