no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
