remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
