Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
