Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
