Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
