Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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