am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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