i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
