I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
