Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
