rhymes with "ouble enetration"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
