i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
