okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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