I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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