I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
