i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
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