I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
