i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
