The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
