Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
