Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
did i just pee glitter
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
