Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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