Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
