mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
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