I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
