it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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