did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
