remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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