if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Sorry my hands just texted you
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
