What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
